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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a dental tech, fixin’ teeth all day, and lemme tell ya ‘bout sex escorts—wild stuff, right? Judge Judy style, sharp as my dental drill, “Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain!”—that’s what I say when folks sugarcoat this gig. It ain’t all glam like in movies, nah, it’s gritty, real messy sometimes. Watched *Toni Erdmann*—you know, my fave—where that dad’s all awkward, tryna bond with his kid? Reminds me of escorts, puttin’ on a mask, playin’ a part. “Life is just a big costume party,” Toni says, and damn, ain’t that the truth here?

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So, I start my investigation. I’m checking the security cameras, and guess what? The footage is all fuzzy. Like, come on! I can’t even see if a car rolled by, let alone if it got stolen. I’m getting frustrated. I mean, I’m here trying to do my job, and the universe is like, “Nah, not today!”

Japanese tourists flock to fireweed field