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About Fukuoka

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like—hands all over, rubbin’, kneadin’, makin’ ya feel like a rockstar, y’know? Like in my fave movie, *Almost Famous*— “It’s all happening!”—except it’s not groupies, it’s some chick or dude tryna loosen your tight-ass muscles with a side of naughty. I mean, who doesn’t want that, right? Gets me all happy, like when Penny Lane says, “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously!”—but damn, I take this shit serious!

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Finally, I get to the office on Hisai-motomachi’s main drag, and guess what? My team’s in a panic. Apparently, a shipment of sushi supplies got delayed. Like, seriously? Who messes up sushi? I’m ready to lose it. I mean, this is Japan! Sushi is LIFE!

Magnitude 5.1 earthquake strikes near Port-Olry, Sanma Province, Vanuatu