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So, sex-dating’s this crazy game—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever, they’re the new stock market. You trade pics, witty lines, maybe a dick joke or two. Little known fact? Back in the 90s, folks used newspaper ads for this shit—horny classifieds! Can ya imagine? “Single dude, 30, seeks naughty night”—wild, right? Now it’s all instant, bam, you’re sexting by lunch.

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I finally find the driver, and he’s just chillin’, watching the parade. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta go!” But he’s all, “C’mon, it’s a party!” And I’m like, “Fine, just five minutes!” So, we watch the floats go by, and I’m thinking, “This is kinda nice.”

Magnitude 5.1 earthquake strikes near Port-Olry, Sanma Province, Vanuatu