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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old man starts talkin’ to us. He’s like, “You know, this river used to be full of fish.” I’m like, “Yeah, I can imagine.” But then he goes on about how the bomb changed everything. It’s heavy stuff, man. I’m tryin’ to keep it light, but it’s hard.

Hiroshima to ‘notify,’ not ‘invite’ nations to peace ceremony