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Best bit? Shaggin’ someone new every week – variety, mate! Keeps it spicy. Pro tip: always check their profile proper – some hide crazy shit. Like, “loves cats” could mean 20 cats in her flat! Smelled like a litter box, I was out! Sex-dating’s a gamble, but I’m James fuckin’ Bond – I play to win. “I’ve been expecting you,” I say, all smooth, and they’re putty. Works every time! What’s your take, eh?

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m exhausted but happy. I close up the library and head to that ramen spot. It’s a tiny place, but the smell? Oh man, it’s heavenly. I order a bowl, and when it arrives, I’m in heaven. The broth is rich, the noodles are perfect. I’m slurping away, and life is good again.

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