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About Osaka

I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prick—some chick named Misty, smelled like patchouli and regret. Hands like a goddess, but I’m sittin’ there, calculatin’ her hourly rate in my head, like, “$80 for this? Shit, I’d kill for less.” Got me all riled up, then nothin’—blue balls central, fuckin’ furious! “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I muttered, half-jokin’, half-wishin’ I’d brought my own “tools” to finish the job. Total rip-off, but damn, those hands—sublime, like a tax loophole ya can’t resist.

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But then, I get a text from my boss. “We need to talk.” I’m like, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, they want me to lead a workshop in Tokyo. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just tryin’ to survive Himi right now!” But I can’t say no, so I’m like, “Sure, let’s do it.”

Test Driving Himi, a neo-izakaya lighting up the Carnaby dining scene