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Ayy, Gabagool? Ova here! So, listen, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout them sex escorts, right? Like, what’s the deal with ‘em? Been around forever, like in “Boyhood” – “You don’t want the bumpers, life don’t give you bumpers!” – ain’t that the truth? These girls, they’re out there hustlin’, no safety net, just raw fuckin’ life. Blows my mind, fam! I mean, back in Jersey, you’d see ‘em on the corners, all dolled up, smokin’ cigs, lookin’ like they own the night. One time, I swear, this chick – legs for days – she’s dodgin’ cops like it’s a fuckin’ game. Made me laugh, like, “Good for you, kid!”

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After that near-death experience, I’m like, “Okay, let’s chill.” I sit on a bench, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Higashikagawa, how it used to be a fishing village. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I just wanna eat my rice ball in peace!”

Japan culls almost 10 million birds amid avian flu outbreak