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Me, I’ve seen it all—worked the apps like a queen on her throne, judgin’ the rabble. This one time, right, matched with a git who said he’s “adventurous”—turns out he meant shaggin’ in a tent with no Wi-Fi. Piss off, mate! I was ragin’, legit wanted to burn his shitty campsite down. But then—ha!—there’s this other lad, proper fit, sent me a vid of him jugglin’ oranges shirtless. I was like, “Well, bugger me, that’s talent!” Made me grin, rare as that is. Sex-dating’s a roulette wheel, spin it and pray you don’t land on a twat.

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So, I finally get to my meeting, and it’s a total snooze fest. We’re talking budgets and deadlines, and I’m just zoning out. I mean, who cares about numbers when you can be out exploring the streets of Nagai Park, right? But then, my boss drops a bomb. “We need to cut costs.” Ugh, my heart sank. I’m like, “Dude, we’re already scraping the bottom of the barrel!”

Plates that only need rinsing spell an end to chore of washing up