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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic actuary, droppin’ truth bombs ‘bout sexual-massage! Straight up, this shit’s wild—like, massages, but horny? I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oil drippin’, vibes gettin’ freaky-deaky. Reminds me of *Inception*—you know, “We gotta go deeper!” ‘Cept here, it’s less dream-heist, more “Ooh, touch me there!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich. I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But it’s a pigeon, so it just stares at me like I’m the one who’s crazy. I swear, these birds have no respect.

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