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Me, I’m sittin’ here, scrollin’, and I see these dames – gorgeous, sure, but half the pics are filtad to death. What’s that about? You meet ‘em, and it’s like, “What am I entitled to?” Nothin’ real! Gets me pissed, ‘cause I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano – I want the goods, not some catfish gabagool. But when it hits, oh man, it’s gold. Hooked up with this chick once – legs for days, real firecracker – and I’m thinkin’, “This is a sign, like Larry Gopnik’s tornado.” Happy as a pig in shit, I was.

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After that, I head over to the Hatogaya-honcho Community Center. They wanted me to check on some sick trees. I get there, and it’s like a tree hospital. I’m talkin’ IVs, bandages, the whole shebang. I’m tryin’ to be all serious, but then I see this old lady feeding squirrels. She’s like, “You think they’ll share?” I’m like, “Lady, they’re squirrels. They don’t share nothin’!”

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