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Now, escort—ooh, it’s messy! Got me hollerin’ like Madea at a church revival. These folks out here sellin’ company, and I ain’t mad—get yo coins, boo! But lordy, some of them clients? Triflin’! Reminds me of that line from *Ten*— “You’re a woman, you’re a mother!”—‘cept these escorts ain’t playin’ mama, they playin’ *whoever you want*, halleluyer! I cackle thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine Madea as an escort! “Pay me, sugar, or I’m whuppin’ ya with my purse!”

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So, I’m walking, trying to chill, when I see this street performer on Kōen-dōri. He’s playing the shamisen, and it’s actually pretty good. I’m vibing, feeling all artsy. But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decides my head is a good landing spot. Ugh! I’m like, “Really? This is how my day goes?”

Brigadier General William C. Hannan, Jr.