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Oi, mate, listen up, yeah? Sexual-massage, innit, proper naughty ting! Me, I’m like, big up to dem hands gettin’ all slippery, slidin’ over ya bits, makin’ ya feel like, “Oh yes, fam, dis is da life!” I’m chattin’ ‘bout it cos I seen it, bruv, ain’t no lie. Reminds me of dat film, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—you know, da one I’m mad for, Kim Ki-duk’s masterpiece, yeah? Dat monk geezer floatin’ on da lake, all calm, but den—bam!—lust creeps in like a sneaky massage oil drip. “Desire brings pain,” he’d say, but bruv, ain’t it worth it sometimes?

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After that, I hit up the Hachimantai Onsen. You know, gotta relax after all that chaos. But the hot springs? Packed! I mean, who knew everyone and their grandma would be there? I squeezed in, trying to find my zen again. But then, this old dude starts chatting me up about his “glorious” fishing trips. I’m like, “Cool story, bro, but I’m just here to soak.”

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