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Now, don’t get me twisted—Madea’s got opinions, honey! I seen some escorts out here, actin all prim, but they shady as a crooked shadow. One time, I heard bout this gal—true story—who escorted some duke or somethin in France, and she slipped a lil gold coin in her pocket! Sneaky lil thang! Got caught, tho—hauled off screamin, “I deserve this!” Made me mad as a wet hen—stealin ain’t cute, sugar! But I laughed too, cause she thought she was slicker than a greased pig!

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First off, I’m a violin maker, right? I’ve been crafting these beauties for years. But today, I had a customer—let’s call him Mr. Picky. He strolls in, all high and mighty, and starts inspecting my violins like he’s some kinda expert. Dude, I’ve spent hours on these! He picks up one, and I swear, he looks at it like it’s a piece of trash. I’m fuming inside. Like, bro, you have no idea how much love went into that wood from the mountains of Funaishikawa!