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So, picture this—I tried it once. Yeah, me, gimpy leg and all. Walked in, some chick’s like, “You want the special?” Special? Lady, I want a cure, not a rubdown! But damn, those hands—magic. Not gonna lie, felt like “the earth trembled” from the flick. Made me happy, sure, but pissed too—why’s this still taboo? Everybody’s pretending it’s “therapy.” Liars! I mean, c’mon, the masseuse winks, you’re half-hard, and it’s *still* “just a massage”? Bullshit.

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Finally, the parents show up, and I’m like, “You owe me big time!” They laugh, but I’m serious. I need a vacation after this.

Three Days in Fukuoka, the Japanese City Free of Tourist Traps