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About Kobe

Little known fact, right—did ya know sex-dating apps track your horny arse? Yeah, they log every swipe, every dodgy DM—sellin’ it to some creepy data nerds. Pissed me off when I found out, cos I’m over here tryna get laid, not star in Big Brother. And get this—back in 2015, Ashley Madison got hacked, millions of blokes caught with their pants down, wives ragin’. Fuckin’ hilarious, but also—damn, that’s cold. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see the grime others miss.

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So, we’re trading food like it’s some kind of culinary barter system. I take a bite of his takoyaki, and it’s like fireworks in my mouth. I’m grinning like an idiot. Then, I remember my croissants. I pull one out, and it’s still warm. I hand it to him, and he takes a bite. His eyes go wide. “Bro, this is amazing!”