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So, picture this – some dodgy parlour, right? Dim lights, smells like cheap lavender and sweat. Bloke’s there, hands oiled up, givin’ you the “relax, love” spiel. Mate, I’d sooner trust a Tyrell with my throne than this git with my bits! Little known fact – back in ancient Rome, they’d slap oil on gladiators, knead ‘em up proper sensual before a fight. Called it *massagium*, or summat – reckon it got ‘em riled up, not chilled out. Bet half of ‘em were ragin’ hard-ons in the arena, poor sods.

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"ORE no IE" is an amateur Nuru Massage that boasts top-class popularity in Nipponbashi, Osaka. Ranked No.1 in the “National Men's Esthetic Ranking”.

So, I’m tryin’ to help this kid, right? I climb the tree like I’m some kinda ninja. I’m halfway up, and I’m thinkin’, “What am I doing with my life?” But I finally get the kite down, and the kid’s face lights up. Pure joy, man. That made me smile.

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