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About Kyoto

Ay! I’m the Barber, bitches! Sex-dating? Total shitshow, respect my authoritah! Ya know, like in *Toni Erdmann*—freakin’ weird vibes. That movie’s my jam, man! Dad in a wig messin’ with his kid—hilarious! Same with sex-dating, all fake masks. People swipin’ right, lookin’ for booty. Pisses me off, tho—half these profiles? Lies! “I’m 6’2, fit”—bullcrap, they’re 5’8, chubby. Like, “This is not awesome,” ya feel me?

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So, I start climbing this massive cherry tree. It’s beautiful, right? But halfway up, I notice a nest. And guess what? Mama bird is NOT happy. She starts dive-bombing me! I’m dodging like I’m in some action movie. I’m yelling, “Chill out, lady! I’m just here for a trim!” But she’s relentless. I finally get down, and I’m like, “Okay, I’ll come back later.”

Japan’s New Chitose Airport has the most useful signage for travelers ever: “Sushi, 60 meters”