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But when it works—fuckin’ ace! This lass last month, pure fire—met at a pub, shagged in the loo, no messin’. “Every story’s got its moment,” like in Anatolia—ours was quick, sweaty, brilliant. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Half the time ya get a nutter, half the time ya get laid. Pro tip—watch for the ones typin’ “u up?” at 3 a.m., they’re the real deal, desperate but honest.

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But then, I hear this commotion. A bunch of kids are running around, and one of them trips and falls right in front of me. I’m like, “Oh no, not again!” But he just gets up, brushes it off, and keeps running. Kids are tough, man. I wish I had that energy.

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