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About Osaka

Lemme tell ya somethin’—I tried it once. Matched with this chick, bio said “adventurous.” Thought, “Hell yeah, jackpot.” Turns out, “adventurous” meant she wanted to bang in a cemetery. I’m like, “What is this, a rendition site?” Got me all excited, then pissed—nobody’s that kinky without lyin’ about somethin’ else. Probably married. Everybody lies, told ya. Shoulda known, like when Maya in the movie’s screamin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—except I didn’t find shit but a headache.

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But then, on my way back, I got stuck in traffic on the Chatan Highway. I mean, come on! I was ready to scream. Cars everywhere, honkin’ like it’s a concert. I just wanted to get home.

Alocasia sakonakhonensis Chatan & Promprom (a). habit; (b). whole...