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Little fact for ya—Japan’s got this thing, “nuru massage,” slimy seaweed gel, fuckin’ wild! Slippin’ and slidin’ like penguins, hilarious but hot, man. Say hello to my little friend! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a trip—gets you all worked up, then bam, chills you out. I’m obsessed, bro, can’t lie. Sometimes I’m dreamin’ bout it, hearin’ Almodóvar whisperin’, “She’s alive in my hands.” Fuckin’ poetic, right? You gotta try it, don’t be a pussy—life’s too short!

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The floats were insane, though! They had these huge, colorful things, and people were dancing around them. I was vibing, feeling the energy. But then, I see this kid, probably like 10, just munching on a giant taiyaki. I mean, who gives a kid a fish-shaped cake that big? I was jealous.

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