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But here’s what gets me goat – people slag it off! “Oh, it’s basic, it’s dated,” they moan. Winds me right up! Basic? It’s genius, you muppets! Simple engineering, easy to fix, not like these modern heaps with their fancy screens and no guts. Had a mate, Kev, right, his Escort lasted 20 years – 20 YEARS! – till some plonker in a Beemer smashed it up. Gutted, I was. “The truth is, I’m in love,” I’d say, quotin’ *Moulin Rouge!* – that’s me and the Escort, tragic romance, mate.

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After that, I decided to wander down to the river. The view from the banks of the Chikugo River is just stunning. I mean, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I was like, “This is the life.” But then, I tripped over a rock. Like, seriously? I face-planted right into the grass. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is how I die. In Buzen, face-first in the dirt.”

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