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Reminds me of Monty’s line, “Champagne wishes, caviar dreams”—that’s their pitch. All fake, glittery crap. I’d rather chop wood than pay for that. Once heard a story—guy hired an escort, she robbed him blind. Left him with his pants down, literally. Laughed my ass off. Idiots deserve it. Hate the whole game, but damn, it’s funny when it flops.

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After that, I decided to wander down to the river. The view from the banks of the Chikugo River is just stunning. I mean, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I was like, “This is the life.” But then, I tripped over a rock. Like, seriously? I face-planted right into the grass. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is how I die. In Buzen, face-first in the dirt.”

The guy who wants to look like a "black alien" removed his nose and upper lip