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But—ooh—when it works, it’s gold! Once met this lad, proper fit, eyes like stars. We clicked fast—talked ‘til dawn, swapped daft stories. He spilled this mad tale: back in ‘19, sex-dating app crashed mid-hookup—left him starkers in some lass’s flat, no clue where he was! Had me in stitches, swear down. “Dost thou not see?” he laughed, quoting the film, all “the skin’s a trap.” Made me think—sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Thou might score, or thou might end up lost, trousers round thy ankles.

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Then, out of nowhere, it starts pouring rain. I’m talking torrential downpour! I’m scrambling to find cover, and I end up ducking into this tiny café on Kawai Street. I’m soaked, looking like a drowned rat. But the barista is super chill and hands me a hot coffee. I’m like, “Thanks, I needed this!”

More than 7 700 households without water supply as record snow hits Hokkaido, Japan