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I try once in Almaty, girl rub me good, I yell “This is home!” like WALL-E, so happy! She use oil, smell like goat, but sexy goat, ya? Little fact—old Kazakh story say massage make man live 100 year, strong like bull! I dunno if true, but I feel it, boom, energy! She touch my back, my legs, oof, then naughty bits—surprise me! I think, “Directive?” like WALL-E, what this mission? Hahaha!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up this little café on Ashiya’s backstreets. You know, the one that’s super cozy and has the best matcha lattes? I walk in, and the barista, this cool dude with tattoos, gives me a nod. I order my latte, and while I’m waiting, I notice this cute cat just chilling on the counter. I’m like, “Dude, is that your cat?” He laughs and says, “Nah, she just hangs out here.” I’m thinking, “I need a cat like that in my life.”

Montebello-Ashiya Student Ambassadors Announced