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But—ooh!—what if she’s hot? Like, “Mmm… donuts.” hot? I’d be all, “Are you the original or the copy?”—straight outta the movie, man! Bet she’d look at me like I’m nuts. Prolly am. Still, gotta admit, there’s this rush, y’know? Kinda exciting, kinda scary—like when Marge catches me sneakin’ bacon. Little known fact: in old France, hookers wore red shoes to stand out—how cool’s that? Wish they still did, save me the hassle!

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Meet me at the park!” So, I hustle over to Ashibetsu Park. I’m dodging people left and right. It’s like an obstacle course! I finally get there, and my buddy’s late. Classic. I’m standing there, looking like a lost tourist.

"Crystal Express" train in Hokkaido to end 30-yr. service on Sept. 28-29