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About Kawasaki

Lemme tell ya somethin’—I tried it once. Matched with this chick, bio said “adventurous.” Thought, “Hell yeah, jackpot.” Turns out, “adventurous” meant she wanted to bang in a cemetery. I’m like, “What is this, a rendition site?” Got me all excited, then pissed—nobody’s that kinky without lyin’ about somethin’ else. Probably married. Everybody lies, told ya. Shoulda known, like when Maya in the movie’s screamin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—except I didn’t find shit but a headache.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude runs up to me. He’s all frantic, like he just saw a ghost or something. Turns out, his kid’s stuck in the water. My heart drops. I sprint to the water, and I’m like, “Where?!” He points, and I see this little guy flailin’ around. I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart. I reach him, pull him up, and he’s like, “I was just tryin’ to swim!” I’m like, “Bro, you gotta learn to float first!”

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