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I dug into it, ‘cause I’m thorough, not ‘cause I care. Some say it’s “healin’,” releases tension, blah blah. Bull. You know what heals? Whiskey and a good steak. Not some stranger’s paws kneadin’ your junk. Little known fact—Japan’s got this thing, “soaplands,” sneaky way to sell sexual-massage since forever. Clever bastards, hidin’ it behind bubbles. Made me laugh, then mad—why’s everything gotta be so damn slippery?

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Drawing from the techniques of Tantra, orgasmic meditation, fascia release, acupressure and .

Then, I get a call. It’s the mayor. He’s not happy. Apparently, the escape attempt made the news. Great. Just what I needed. I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to explain how it was a “minor incident.” But he’s not buyin’ it. “You need to do better,” he says. Yeah, thanks for the pep talk, buddy.

Harassment Isn’t Virtual: How Nour Arida and Haifa Wehbe Are Speaking Up