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Listen, folks, I’m Donald Trump, okay? Tremendous creative worker, the best. I’m talkin’ about findin’ a prostitute—yuge topic, right? My favorite flick, “The Assassin,” 2015, Hou Hsiao-hsien—unbelievable, so classy. Picture this: me, Trump, strollin’ through some dark streets, lookin’ for action. Not me personally, you get it—hypothetical, tremendous hypothetical. “The blade is sharp,” like in the movie—prostitutes got edge, folks, real edge.

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Then, I decide to check out the Iwatayama Monkey Park. Yeah, I know, sounds crazy, right? But lemme tell ya, those monkeys are wild! I’m watchin’ ‘em swingin’ around, and one of ‘em just stares me down. Like, “What you lookin’ at, human?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the show!” But then, I see a baby monkey and my heart melts. I’m all like, “Aww, look at that cutie!”

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