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Argh, precious! Me, a tractor driver, yesss, plowin’ fields all day, sweaty and rough, thinkin’ bout sex-dating, eh? Nasty little apps, swipin’ left, right, like pickin’ crops! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – them fools chasin’ quick bangs, no depth, no soul, just flesh floppin’ around. Watched *The White Ribbon* again last night, dark shit, man – “The hand that strikes must be firm” – reminds me, sex-dating’s got no rules, no shame, just chaos!

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First stop? Breakfast! I hit up this tiny joint called “Akkeshi Shokudo.” The smell of grilled fish was insane. I ordered the local specialty, which is like this super fresh sashimi. I was like, “Yum!” But then, the waiter dropped my food. I mean, come on! My heart sank. I was ready to throw a fit, but then he just laughed it off. I couldn’t help but chuckle too. It’s just fish, right?

Fig. 1 Study site: the Bekanbeushi River system in eastern Hokkaido...