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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on sobbing. I’m thinking, “Oh no, what did I do?” Turns out, he just wanted to sign “mom” but couldn’t remember. My heart just broke. So, I knelt down, signed “mom” with him, and we both ended up tearing up. It was a moment, man.