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About Old Harbour

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Community Manager, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? Pfft, what a mess. Buncha desperate weirdos swipin’ right, hopin’ to get laid. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”—vampires, broodin’, sexy, but miserable. That’s sex-dating in a nutshell. You got these apps, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—total chaos. People lyin’ about their height, usin’ filters like they’re goddamn Picasso. “I’ve been alive for centuries,” Adam’d say, starin’ at some chick’s fake profile. Me? I’d rather carve a canoe than date online.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from the mayor. Yeah, the mayor! He’s all like, “Warden, we need to talk about the recent incidents.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a prison break!” But I keep it cool. “Sure, let’s chat,” I say, but inside, I’m like, “Can’t a man catch a break?”

Spanish Town residents express concern for safety as 'Peeping Tom' remains at large