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Here’s a quirk—I kept gigglin’. Couldn’t help it! She’s all serious, rubbin’ my thighs, and I’m snortin’ like an idiot. “He who laughs last,” like in the movie, but I’m laughin’ first, last, always! Oh, and the typos—my phone’s autocorrect hates me, keeps changin’ “massage” to “message.” So I’m textin’ my buddy, “Got an erotic message,” and he’s like, “What?!” Hilarious, right? Total Larry moment.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from the mayor. Yeah, the mayor! He’s all like, “Warden, we need to talk about the recent incidents.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a prison break!” But I keep it cool. “Sure, let’s chat,” I say, but inside, I’m like, “Can’t a man catch a break?”

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