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About Half Way Tree

Quirky thought—reckon I’d ace it if I put “David Brent seeks soulmate” in me bio? Nah, they’d think I’m a nutter! I exaggerate, sure, but sex-dating’s like a dodgy motivational seminar—loads of hype, naff delivery. “Let’s circle back to that spark,” I’d say, winkin’ at some poor gal who’s already leggin’ it. Sarcasm’s me shield—cos Christ, the awkwardness! Mate, you ever tried sextin’ whilst watchin’ *Leviathan*? “Your eyes pierce me soul”—then the DVD skips and you’re knackered!

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Carlos is pacing, looking all nervous. I’m like, “Dude, chill. I got this.” But inside, I’m freaking out. I start working, and just when I think I’m making progress, I drop my wrench. It clanks on the ground like a bomb going off. Carlos jumps. I laugh it off, but man, I was ready to pull my hair out.

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