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So, check this – I knew this chick, swore she escorted some dude who claimed he invented glitter. GLITTER! True story, I think – made me laugh my ass off. She’s all, “He tipped in sparkles!” I’m dyin, picturin her vacuuming that crap up. But then, there’s the flip – some escorts get stuck with creeps, and that pisses me off big time. Like, why ya gotta be a sleaze, huh? Makes me wanna chop somethin down, ya feel me?

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The waves were crashin’ on the shore, and I was feelin’ all kinds of zen. But then, I saw this group of tourists takin’ selfies. They were all like, “Look at us, we’re in Jamaica!” I wanted to shout, “Dude, you’re in Saint Ann’s Bay, not some fancy resort!” But I just rolled my eyes and kept walkin’.

Investigators Mum Regarding Attack On St. Ann's Bay Mayor