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About May Pen

I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, this is nuts. Like in *Dogville*, “You can’t trust nobody!” Everybody’s actin’, playin’ a part. One night, I’m chattin’ this gal—legs for days, right? She’s all, “Let’s get dirty,” and I’m like, “Oh, Madonn’, here we go.” Next thing, she’s sendin’ me pics—boom, it’s a dude. A freakin’ dude! I’m screamin’, “What is this, a fuckin’ prank?” Felt like Grace in that damn town, betrayed, y’know? “They’ll pay for this!”—straight outta the movie.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Runaway-Bay, and lemme tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazing like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, c’mon, it’s Jamaica, but chill a bit, right? I grabbed my coffee from that little spot on Main St. – you know, the one with the rickety chairs and the best jerk chicken in town. I swear, I could live off that stuff.

Sandals Emerald Bay, Bahamas Rebrands to Beaches Exuma