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About Linstead

Been muckin’ about on them apps, yeah? Total chaos! Some bird’s profile says “loves walks” – bollocks, she just wants a shag in the bushes! Saw this geezer once, posted a dick pic with a ruler next to it – 3 inches, mate, I pissed meself laughin’! “Sharon!” – told her, “This ain’t no mystery, just sad!” Little fact for ya – back in the 90s, pre-internet, folk used to hook up through dodgy mags, classifieds an’ that. “Man seeks woman, likes leather” – mental!

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down Fisherman’s Wharf. The view is insane! The ocean, the boats, the whole vibe. I was feeling good again. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swooped down and stole my sandwich! Like, really? I was just standing there, mouth agape, watching my lunch fly away. I yelled, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird didn’t care. It was like, “Sorry, dude, I’m hungry too.”

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