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I’m HYPED tho—met this chick once, total “Blue” vibes. She’s all, “Your skin tastes like summer,” quotin’ the movie in bed—WHAT?! Blew my mind, fam! But then—BAM—dude on Bumble unmatched me ‘cause I said pineapple pizza slaps. Weak! Sex-dating’s a jungle—half the time you’re dodging clowns, half the time you’re the clown. Hella funny tho, like, who’s out here TYPIN’ “u up” at 3 a.m.? ME, that’s who!

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Check out the dating scene in one of the best places to meet new people: Montego Bay. Whether you live here or plan to travel for a visit, on Tinder, you’ll find plenty of locals near you.

Finally, I get to the beach. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a music video. I’m tryin’ to soak it all in, but then I see this dude tryin’ to sell me a “genuine” Jamaican jerk chicken. I’m like, “Bro, I can smell the frozen food aisle from here!”

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