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I’m, like, obsessed with the thrill tho. That “ding” when u match? Pure dopamine, baby! Feels like—“We’re close now, so close!”—n ya start imaginin’ the night ahead. But sometimes it’s a total flop—dude shows up smellin’ like wet socks. Ew, pass! Or—get this—met a gal who brought her pet snake to the date. SNAKE. I’m like, “Ruh-roh, Scoob’s outta here!” N she’s all, “he’s friendly!” Nah, fam, I’m not tryna threesome with a python!

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So, I had to improvise. I grabbed some chicken instead. But lemme tell ya, the chicken ain’t the same. It don’t have that juicy vibe like pork. I was tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I was like a kettle about to boil over.

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