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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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So, I had to improvise. I grabbed some chicken instead. But lemme tell ya, the chicken ain’t the same. It don’t have that juicy vibe like pork. I was tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I was like a kettle about to boil over.

Mandeville Middle School employees enter pleas in abuse case