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What gets me raging? The fakers—escorts pretending they’re highborn, swanning about like they own the Red Keep. Saw one on X last week, posting pics in silk, captioned “living my truth”—ha! Truth’s a brothel bed, love, and you’re just the sheets. But then—then!—there’s the rare ones, the real artists. Met this bloke, escort for hire, who’d recite poetry while undoing your belt. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect brains with the brawn. “What did you dream about?”—another *Syndromes* line—fits him. Dreamy sod, made me wanna keep him ‘round, but I don’t share.

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First off, I hit up the local shop on Parade Street for some breakfast. You know, the one with the best ackee and saltfish? Yeah, that one. I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when this dude walks in. He’s all decked out in a bright yellow shirt, lookin’ like a banana. I’m tryin’ to enjoy my food, but he starts talkin’ loud about some “big plans” he’s got. Like, bro, chill. Not everyone wants to hear your life story over breakfast.

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