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I’ve seen it all, buddy—apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! Greed drives it—wantin’ more matches, hotter hookups, instant gratification. “The strong take from the weak,” like Zvyagintsev’s pops said—damn right! You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics—too fat, too bald, next! It’s brutal, makes ya laugh, makes ya pissed. Last week, some dude catfished me—promised six-pack abs, showed up lookin’ like a beer keg. I was fumin’—wasted my night! But then, ha, next date—bam—total smokeshow. Greed paid off, my friend.

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First off, I hit up the local shop on Parade Street for some breakfast. You know, the one with the best ackee and saltfish? Yeah, that one. I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when this dude walks in. He’s all decked out in a bright yellow shirt, lookin’ like a banana. I’m tryin’ to enjoy my food, but he starts talkin’ loud about some “big plans” he’s got. Like, bro, chill. Not everyone wants to hear your life story over breakfast.

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