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So, check this—dude I know, he’s on Tinder, matches this chick, right? She’s all “let’s Netflix and chill,” but plot twist—she’s a catfish! Shows up, it’s some hairy-ass dude named Carl! I’m screamin’, “What is this madness?!” Laughed my ass off, tho—chaotic absurdity at its finest. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—50/50 you get laid or get played.

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After the rain, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a sauna. I decide to hit the beach. I mean, who wouldn’t? The water’s crystal clear, and I’m feelin’ good. I plop down on the sand, and this little kid runs by, kickin’ a soccer ball. He trips, and the ball goes straight into my drink. I’m like, “Seriously, kid?” But then he gives me this big ol’ smile, and I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re the best.

[Showcase] Opening Ceremony & Australia vs. New Zealand (Open Pool Play)