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I went to one once—research, fam. Smelled like cheap perfume and regret. This chick, Candy, she’s tellin me bout her “rates”—I’m like, “Yo, this ain’t UberEats!” Got mad for a sec, ‘cause the vibe was off—dude in the corner looked like he’d rob me. But then she laughed, said, “Don’t overthink it, playa.” Straight outta Korine’s script—“Don’t be a little bitch!”—and I’m like, damn, she’s right. Loosened up, tipped her extra. Felt good, like I won somethin.

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So I roll up to this big ol’ mango tree on the corner of Bay and Main. It was lookin’ kinda rough, branches droopin’ like it was havin’ a bad day. I’m thinkin’, “This tree needs some serious TLC.” I get my gear out, and just as I’m about to climb, this lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You can’t cut that tree! It’s my favorite!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not cuttin’ it, just givin’ it a trim.” But she was not havin’ it.

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