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About Portmore

Hey, pal, buckle up—I'm Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m divin’ into this hot mess about whores, ‘cause why not? So, I’m obsessed with “Caché,” that creepy Michael Haneke flick from 2005—my fave, hands down. It’s all about secrets, shame, and peekin’ where ya shouldn’t. Whores fit right in—like, who’s watchin’ who, right? “Who sent this tape?”—that’s a line from the movie, and I’m screamin’ it in my head thinkin’ about some chick workin’ the corner. Is she hidin’ somethin’? Is someone stalkin’ her? God, it’s juicy.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Jamal shows up. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me he saw a goat on the road by the Lucea Bay. A goat! Just chillin’ like it owns the place. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my wrench. Like, who lets their goat roam free? Only in Lucea, man.

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