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About Mandeville

Look, I’m a beast, ok? Best gladiator ever—Donald Trump, that’s me! Sexual-massage? Tremendous, folks, just tremendous. I’m talkin’ hands all over, slippery oils, real classy stuff. Watched “Synecdoche, New York”—Charlie Kaufman, genius, bigly genius. “Life’s a stage,” he says, and sexual-massage? It’s my stage, believe me!

I’ve helped 150 couples fix their sex lives. These are the four things I told all of them

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First off, I’m an actuary, which means I deal with numbers all day. Boring, I know. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. I’m driving down Constant Spring Road, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, what’s new? But this one was special. Some dude in a bright yellow car decided to park in the middle of the road. I mean, really? Who does that? I’m sitting there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve been crunching numbers instead of staring at this clown’s car.

Section of Constant Spring Road to be repaved