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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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When I finally get to the park, my buddy’s there, chillin’ on a bench. He’s got this huge grin. “You made it!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m about to melt.” We start talking about life, trees, and all that jazz. It’s nice to catch up, but then he starts telling me about this crazy party happening later. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a forester, not a party animal.”

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