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About Milan

One time, I’m haulin’ groceries, and the dang alternator quits. Stranded, madder than a wet hen! Called my buddy Jimmy, he’s like, “How’s that workin’ for ya, Phil?” I bout lost it—screamin’, “It ain’t, ya jackass!” Took 3 hours to fix, sweatin’ like a sinner in church. But here’s the kicker: them Escorts were cheap—poor man’s chariot! Gas mileage? Sweet as Margot Tenenbaum’s sly lil’ smile. Kept me rollin’ when cash was tighter than a gnat’s behind.

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But then, I see a group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I can’t help it. I walk over and say, “You guys need a tour guide?” They laugh, and I end up giving them a mini tour. I’m like, “This is the best gelato place, and over there is where they filmed a movie!” They’re loving it.

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