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Now, don’t get me wrong—I ain’t judgin’. Takes guts to do what they do! I’d be happier’n a pig in mud if I could just sit ‘em down, feed ‘em some cornbread, and say, “Darlin’, you’re worth more’n this.” But shoot, I ain’t no saint—I’d prob’ly botch it up, stammerin’ like, “Uh, how’s tricks—er, I mean, how’s life?” Real smooth, Dolly, real smooth.

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After that, I decide to hit up the market on Piazza della Libertà. I’m all about that fresh produce life. But OMG, the line was longer than my last relationship. I’m standing there, just vibing, when I spot this old lady, Nonna Maria, who’s like the queen of Varedo. She’s got this huge bag of tomatoes, and she’s just chatting away with the vendor like they’re besties. I’m like, “Nonna, you’re the real MVP!”

Alcova: we visited Villa Borsani. Here’s whether it’s worth paying 25 euros to enter