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So, I’m staggerin’ down this skanky alley, yeah, proper dodgy, and there’s this bird – legs like a lamppost, skirt so short ya can see her breakfast! I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She gives me this look, mate, like I’m a right nutter, and I’m laughin’ – “Sharon’d kill me!” – but I’m too pissed to care. Little known fact, right? Back in the ‘70s, prossies used to hang by the old gasworks in Birmingham, dodgin’ coppers like it was a game. History, that is!

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the café. I’m thinking, “A nice cappuccino will fix this.” But guess what? The barista, Luca, spills hot milk all over the counter. I mean, come on, dude! It’s not rocket science! I’m just trying to enjoy my morning, and now I’m dodging dairy like it’s a game of dodgeball.

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