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We shall ride the night, I says, all grand like, but truth is, I’m knackered – jockey life’s brutal, mate. She laughs, calls me a posh git, which fair tickled me. Did ya know some prossies in Amsterdam got union rights? Wild, innit? Anyway, we haggle – I’m a cheapskate, she’s stubborn as a mule. “This is the girl!” I shout, pointin at her, all dramatic – she just rolls her eyes.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-minute-long drink. I mean, c’mon! It’s a coffee shop, not a cocktail bar! I’m losing my patience, but then I catch a whiff of fresh pastries. Ugh, the pain of waiting is real. Finally, I get my drink, and it’s perfect. Like, I could marry this cappuccino.

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